Honoring the death of a friendship

If there is one thing this pandemic has reminded us is just how fleeting life can be. One day you’re here making beautiful memories with the ones that you love and the next you’re gone. Nothing else on the planet puts such finality to any relationship like the death of a person we treasure profoundly. However, today’s focus will not be the physical death of a person but the death of a friendship and how to honor it.

Photo by Samuel Martins on Unsplash

Lately, I have come to a place of settlement, resolution and finality in some of the friendships I have had with people. If you’re like me- a friendly, open, heart on sleeve girl you have negotiated, bargained and begged to keep the peace and maintain relationships or friendships that were on their death bed. Until about two years ago, I desperately wanted to ensure that as far as it was in my power, the friendship would be salvaged no matter how far gone it was. And then one day I. JUST. STOPPED. Ok, maybe i did not just stop. Its been a gradual, heart wrenching process I have been working through for many many months. However, I decided that I will not salvage impossible friendships but instead, I will honor them the best way I can.

Nothing else on the planet puts such finality to any relationship like the death of a person we treasure profoundly.

Honor?

You’re probably wondering what i mean by honor. How can someone honor a situation where fighting, betrayal, withdrawal and pain manifested wave after wave? I share 4 ‘honoring’ moments that have helped me in processing the death of a friendship or relationship personally and/or professionally. There is no sequence to these moments and I have experienced them in isolation (very rarely together) in many different ocassions.

1. Honoring the memories spent in bliss. You had good times together, wonderful times to say the least. You laugh, cried, comforted and uplifted each other in your journey. Nostalgically, remember that and smile. Few people have opportunity to have that. Honor what and how you felt then.
2. Honoring the person. This is the hardest because at this point your heart has chosen violence. You want to throw a tantrum, spread false rumors, injure and distort his or her image as much as possible. Chances are, you won’t feel any better even if you do this. Its one thing to vent to close family and friends, its another to go on a vomit parade about a friendship gone sour.
3. Honoring your grief. Truthfully, a stab in the back will have you bleeding, unable to stand straight, walk and function as you should. When a friendships dies, something in us dies too. Trust, patience and hope is flickering and we can even loose sense of self. Slow down, weep, catch your breathe and talk about it with someone you trust. Don’t pretend it doesn’t hurt because it does.
4. Honoring yourself. The greatest honor you can give yourself, is to love yourself. Loving yourself sometimes means that you must choose peace, sanity, stability and joy by removing yourself from a situation or environment that fosters bitterness, anger or trauma from your former friend at least for a while (or forever if necessary). As you honor yourself, your heart will heal slowly, gradually because you are choosing YOU.

In the words of the artist Rihanna from her 2007 song Take a Bow,

‘…That was quite a show, Very entertaining
But it’s over now. Go on and take a bow.’

Honor the death of your friendship. Till next time, bye!

P/s- I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s writing. Please leave a comment below or you can give a clap if you simply enjoyed it.